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Waluigi is Ruining the Internet

first_imgStay on target For those of us plugged in to our modern, always online, tech-infused cyberpunk world, 2018 has already managed to feel especially dystopian despite not even being a month old yet. We’ve got reality show hosts competing with other reality show hosts to be president. YouTubers can’t stop filming dead bodies. And there are new seasons of both Black Mirror and The X-Files.But what if all these seemingly disconnected events were actually part of some grand unified conspiracy orchestrated by a single purple perpetrator? What if Waluigi is secretly ruining the internet?Now hear us out. Obviously we all know Waluigi is a bad guy. Just look at him. He’s Luigi’s evil counterpart the way Wario is for Mario. And since Luigi is already just a variation on Mario, we’ve heard Waluigi described as “a reflection of a reflection” of the classic gaming mascot. But so far his villainy has been limited to things like being a nasty driver in Mario Kart, running a taco stand, or trying to out dance his rivals in Dance Dance Revolution Mario Mix.However, we began to suspect Waluigi was more sinister than he seemed after Twitter detailed its new harassment policies. The social media platform has been rightfully criticized for letting the worst trolls fester on the service and attack others without repercussions. For the longest time those throwaway accounts would feature blank eggs or perhaps anime avatars. But Twitter made the curious decision to give its example harasser a Waluigi avatar. If Twitter thinks Waluigi is up there with straight-up Nazis, @Jack must know something we don’t about the depths of Waluigi’s evil.This update is now rolled out to everyone. Here’s an example of the in-app notifications you can expect:— Twitter Safety (@TwitterSafety) January 10, 2018From there the pieces just kept falling into place. Who would do something so cruel as causing a power outage at the year’s biggest tech show CES? Waluigi. Who would hire robot strippers for that same tech show? Waluigi. Who could sneak his outfit into Super Mario Odyssey despite being a spin-off character? Waluigi. Who could cause Nintendo to troll its fans for days on end before finally dropping a Nintendo Direct without an announcement? Waluigi. And as if to rub it in, to tell Mister Police that he really did give you all the clues, during that Direct Waluigi debuted his spiffy new outfit for the upcoming Mario Tennis Aces on Nintendo Switch, the franchise he first appeared in.2018 is going to be full of tough challenges to overcome. Our politics, our internet, and even our lives are under threat. But it’s now clear that stopping Waluigi once and for all must be our highest priority.Buy it now!Super Mario OdysseyThe Legend of Zelda: Breath of the WildNintendo SwitchProtect Your Nintendo Switch With These Awesome CasesLet us know what you like about Geek by taking our survey. Trade In Your Nintendo Switch For a Better Battery (With a Catch)’Astral Chain’ and Other Dumb Nintendo Songs last_img read more